“They are Fine As Long As They Stay on Their Familiar Path”

Blog #10

All too often in my career in memory care I have heard loved ones say about the one they care for “they are fine as long as they stay on their familiar path.” This may pertain to them taking a walk around the neighborhood with their dog, driving to church and the post office, or something as simple as just staying on the main floor of their home. Truth be told, up until this point, it may be very true.

What is also true is my experience of my neighborhood Facebook group having a post saying “We can’t find my husband. He has Alzheimer’s Disease and he always walks our dog on the same path every day but he must have taken a wrong turn today. Please keep an eye out for him!” Thankfully he and their little dog were later found, very much off his familiar path but safe.

I also know of a man who took a wrong turn from his familiar path and landed up hundreds of miles and several hours away from his home in Wheaton, IL, only to be found in southern IL on a cow farm by a stranger. Family had to immediately get in the car to go pick him and his car up and return home, befuddled by his meanderings and misdirection.

In addition, I have a story in my heart of a man now in memory care who at one time previously was going to just drive to the store and back again, but landed up being gone for seven hours, stopping at several gas stations asking for help and to use a phone (many times denied) and later, with the help of police, was found. Thankfully he returned home safely but flustered and exhausted.

I don’t tell these stories for shock and awe and I don’t tell these stories to scare anyone. I’m thankful they were all found to be safe and well. I tell these stories because they are reality, and in the words of Brene’ Brown, “clarity is kindness.” It is so difficult to tell caregivers mid-conversation that they are being unsafe believing that “they are OK as long as they stay on their path”–because they often say it with such conviction and, to be honest, often sending their loved one on their familiar path gives the caregiver a little break, doesn’t it? Who can blame them?

Dementia is a progressive disease that moves at speeds we do not know or determine for each individual, which means we are not able to tell what day or time our loved one will no longer be able to stay on their known path, walking or driving. We can’t predict when their brain will tell them to take a wrong turn or lead to a crisis, like in these three examples.

Please, if you are a caregiver known to send your loved one off on their familiar path on occasion, work closely with your doctors and neurologists to determine when it is safe for your loved one to be alone in the neighborhood and in the car. Unfortunately, while you are the expert on your loved one, you are new to dementia and it’s good to ask professionals how dementia plays out when it comes to safety and security.