Tips on Chatting on the Phone with my Dad with Dementia?

Blog #11

Recently a friend mentioned that his father who has dementia lives in another state and telephone calls seem to be challenging. What might make phone calls easier?

The one benefit to a telephone call is that he may still recognize your voice. There is a chance that if you were physically present, he may have a hard time recognizing that you are older than he remembers you. Your familiar voice does not age, so that is the benefit and comfort of a telephone call.

Listen first. Let him talk first, and try not to interrupt as best you can. Avoid disagreeing, even if he says something you know is not true or kind. Letting him have a voice without interruption is dignifying and respectful. Correcting him will only cause frustration for you and him.

Praise him. This is your time to share your appreciation with him for something he did as a father, for honoring him, and for feeding his ego a bit. This can be as simple as “You sound good. It sounds like you are having a good day today.” It might also sound like, “Now that I’m a parent of a teenager, I understand why you grounded me so much.” These conversations can be a lot of fun and memorable for you!

Reminisce. When the conversation goes quiet, a safe bet is to reminisce about an old memory. It may be a family vacation, getting a first car, starting a first job, how much a gallon of milk used to cost, or a funny family story. These stories are mutual grounds for you. If he remembers things differently than you, let him be right in these moments.

Express your love. Never miss an opportunity to tell him that you love him. There are too many uncertainties in life to choose any other option than this. No regrets.