Navigating the Swamp of Caregiving: Part Six: Travel in Groups

Blog #8

I’m literally laughing as I type this because the reason for traveling in groups while trekking in a swamp is that it takes multiple people to move an injured person. To clarify, I’m not laughing at the idea of someone having an emergency. I’m laughing in a “Spot on! Amen! Exactly!” cheering kind of way. When I first started this blog series and suggested that the analogy of caregiving fit hand-in-hand with hiking in a swamp, this particular rule of thumb struck me because it is SO, SO true! I have seen evidence of this numerous times!

I’m thinking specifically of a spouse in a support group I facilitated. She told the story of a time when she was the sole caregiver for her husband and she fell ill. Her family all lived out of state and let’s be honest, her demeanor was that of the hero, perhaps the quiet martyr, and maybe the type that believes that “nobody could care for him like I can.” Regardless of my first impressions, she fell ill and the crisis ensued. Who was to take care of her husband while she was in the hospital? Her point to the group was exactly this: travel this journey as a caregiver in a group. Learn from her mistake.

While I never wish for this kind of crisis to happen, I do think there is a valuable lesson to be learned here. We have to travel in groups and we have to lay down our sword, put our pride in our pockets, and maybe even settle for an occasional afternoon of second-to-(our)best care as we learn to trust others and let them into our circle of care.

I’m curious if you see what I see while you read the story above, that two things happened. Yes, the crisis happened because plan B was not in place. I also want you to see that the caregiver fell ill. So often we forget that the well one can turn into a not-well one for various reasons. We occasionally forget that this is possible and rarely plan for this to happen. This too is sufficient reason to travel in groups or to thrive in a community.

There is no day like the present to start building community. Perhaps it’s time to be honest with your family members and ask for a heightened level of help and attention from them. In addition, be sure to reach out to your local senior centers, park districts, gyms, pickleball classes, churches, meditation groups, book clubs, library activities, your literal neighbors, etc. and start meeting your community if you don’t have people surrounding you and your loved one. If you don’t have a tribe in place, it’s time to start building one so that if the day comes when one falls ill, the group can carry the burden together and the weight is much lighter for all.