Translation of “I want to go home.”

Blog #14

Teepa Snow has some really great work on this subject, but I will try to paraphrase her work and simplify it. Oftentimes when a resident lives in a memory care community, they can pull on their loved one’s heartstrings by saying, “I want to go home.” Guilt is a powerful tool and manipulator, isn’t it?

It is important for caregivers to translate this phrase to “I’m feeling anxious and not in control of this situation. I would like to go to my 20- or 30-year-old self where I was in control of my life.”

I have watched guilty-feeling family members attempt to bring their loved ones back to a geographic “home” and when they get there, the person with memory loss would say, “I want to go home,” because what they are expressing is not about their geographic location, it is about their state of wellbeing and anxiety level.

When a person with a dementia diagnosis says “I want to go home,” respond with validation and empathy. Depending on the individual and situation, you could play along and let them know you have called a taxi or let them know that the bus will pick them up in an hour, then redirect them to a snack or an activity or engage them in a conversation about their feelings of anxiety.

In conversations of empathy and validation, play along and ask them if there is something they need from home that you can help them with where you are. Perhaps slowly redirect to a reminiscing activity where you talk about buying your first house and how much you paid for a house back then; maybe ask them for advice for first-time home buyers. Redirecting them to a new topic can reframe their thoughts and calm them.

It’s important to remember that one trick that works one day may not work the next, so we have to always remain flexible and creative with our interactions and redirection skills! This is where support groups come in handy! Other caregivers can give great ideas about how they have redirected their loved one!

http://myalzheimersstory.com/2015/12/29/13-teepa-snow-tips-to-help-deal-with-i-want-to-go-home/