Navigating the Swamp of Caregiving: Part Two: Never Walk Alone

Blog #4

I may be a bit biased, but I am partial to tip #2 for how to navigate a swamp; bring a tour guide. Don’t go alone.

“Not only will they know basic safety rules, they'll know how to intervene in the event of an emergency.” While it may hurt our pride a bit, there is something to be said for putting our hand up,admitting we are in unfamiliar territory, and acknowledging we need help from someone else.

I’m reminded of a dear friend who recently had a baby. We scheduled a time to bring a meal to the new parents and upon my arrival, I witnessed sheer exhaustion, befuddlement, and let’s be honest, some chaos. While my visit was very short, one of the conversations was about how babies don’t come with books and how new parents don’t inherently know about burping, feeding, sleeping, etc. The same could be said about dementia care, there is no nuanced and specific book that comes with your loved one to explain every behavior, change, medication side effect, and unusual conversation you have. You are in or will be in unfamiliar territory and it is highly recommended that you not be there alone. It’s valuable to travel with a leader and a group.

A leader in dementia care might mean a formally educated professional, but it may also be another person in your exact same shoes only months ahead of you in the journey. Oftentimes in support groups I have used the image of individuals holding hands–one ahead of you leading you, and as you learn, you looking back to help the person just steps behind you. A leader can be a physician or a neurologist but it can be someone that knows the journey and is only just a few steps ahead of you, whose footsteps you can walk in to make your journey easier.

If only I had a nickel for every time I have heard a caregiver say “it’s so helpful to know I’m not all alone in this.” If by now you have not found either a virtual or a physically meeting support group, I encourage you to do so. A good place to start is on the Alzheimer’s Association website where you can search by zip code for a local group in your area. You can also contact your local senior services office to see if they are aware of any groups meeting in your area. Having supportive friends, family, and religious groups is important and helpful, but there is something distinct and gratifying about being in a group with other people specifically in the muck of dementia care. It takes bravery to enter a group for the first time, but the therapeutic relief of “Oh! You get it!” far overrides feelings of initial anxiety.

(https://www.bing.com/search?FORM=AFSCVH&PC=AFSC&q=wikihow+how+to+walk+in+a+swamp)